I wasn’t sure what to write about today, so I went through my list (!) of possible blog ideas that I created last year and chose one that seems relatively painless. It’s about my prejudice against thin people.
Yes, us big people can also be guilty of size-ism! Shocking, I know. Let me clarify what my prejudice is against them – I assume that they are judging me for being fat. Some of them probably are, some of them most likely think I am gross and disgusting and ugly. Some of them probably wonder why I let myself get this way and why and I don’t fix it.
But not every single fit or thin person is judging me. Not everyone who is “nonfat” is looking at me and making judgments. And even if they are, I’m just as guilty, since I am also prejudging them based on their size.
It can be very hard to enter a room full of strangers when you are self-conscious about your size. And it’s even harder when you assume that everyone in the room is thinking mean and nasty thoughts about you. But how shameful am I to also think mean and nasty thoughts?
I think it’s a weird defense mechanism. If I am already prepared for people to judge me unfairly, then I won’t be hurt or upset by it, it won’t surprise me. In my mind, I have already dealt with their criticism and gotten over it. I’ve armed myself against possible attacks.
But feeling like this is actually more harmful to me than anything they could possibly think or say. I’m prejudging people and making assumptions, and they are hateful and mean. And I don’t want to be that person. I want to assume that anyone I meet will love me and adore me and think I’m hilarious and a good dresser, and not care about my size. And if they care about my size? Then they aren’t really someone I need in my life.