I had a whole different outfit planned for today, but I only kept the skirt. What I imagined in my head did not turn out well in real life.
Oh well, it still turned out okay!
I tried a skinny belt! I was nervous about it, always told that big girls shouldn’t wear skinny accessories. I’ve seen skinny belts in so many plus size blogs lately that it made me want to try it. Did it turn out okay?
Skirt, hair pin – Torrid, Shirt, tights – Lane Bryant, Belt – Target, Necklace – don’t remember!!!
So…back to the beginning of the post, where the outfit in my head did NOT turn out to my expectations. My problem is that I imagined it on another body, on a whole other person! I think that is my main issue…when I picture myself or plan for myself, I don’t keep my actual body or face in mind. I actually plan for someone else, and then I am sad when it doesn’t turn out. Why oh why do I do that? I could probably save myself so much grief if I just accepted who I am and planned for that person.
I try to promote self acceptance, and it works most of the time for myself. I mean, I have esteem issues, but I’m pretty satisfied with myself. So why do I not remember who I am when I am trying to do for myself? I don’t hate myself, really, but when I see a picture or myself in the mirror and it’s not what I was expecting, it just makes me so sad. I need to remember that I am fat, with dark circles under my eyes, with blemishes and a double chin. And it’s okay!!! That’s who I am. I need to know that there is more to me than just those things, but that they are also part of me, and I need to be prepared to see that in the mirror.
I don’t think I’m explaining this very well, and it’s been rolling around in my head for a few days, ever since I “posed” for my friend for the hair clips she makes. I had such an image in my head, and when I saw the pictures, of course they weren’t what I was expecting, because they were of me. I liked about 5 out the 100 she took. They weren’t bad pictures at all, and I shouldn’t have been sad to see them, but I was. Because I didn’t remember who I was, and I didn’t recognize my own beauty before the pictures.
I really don’t want any more self-esteem issues. Can I please just be well-adjusted starting now?