2011 – the good, the bad, and the meh (word heavy)

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So…I realized that in many of my previous posts I hinted at various low points in the last year without really talking or writing about any of it.  I thought it was enough for me, but I think I need to lay out everything that happened last year, maybe so that I myself can get a grasp on it all.  I’m not prepared for a new year, but not much I can do about that.  2012 calendars are already printed and hung, it doesn’t matter how I feel about it.  I was ready for 2011 to end though, it really was just a rotten year.  It wore me out every single way possible.

The bad:

  • Had to move my dad into senior housing.  Finally found a good spot for him, but it was a hassle to find a place and very depressing.
  • My mom got foreclosed on.  We were able to delay the date, but still had to get her out of the house in a hurry.  Did I mention she is a hoarder, and that my parents lived in a 3 story house for over 40 years?  Can you imagine trying to move someone from that situation into a 2 bedroom apartment?  It depressed me, scared me, overwhelmed me, and basically freaked me out.  But with my brothers’ help, we managed.  It was also sad to say goodbye to that house, I grew up there, and it’s where all my memories are.
  • Work sucked.  Still does.  I was teamed with a person that I won’t say much about, just that it makes coming to work every day miserable. I used to like my job, but now I just suffer through it.
  • My mom had to put down her cat Bodie.  He was my cat, then he went to live with my parents.  He was 15 and just a sweetheart.  It’s always so hard to lose a pet.
  • Steve had major issues with his brother and health issues and depression issues.  I wasn’t as supportive as I would have liked to have been, I had so many other things going on.
  • My dear friend broke up with her boyfriend, and I felt so horrible that I couldn’t make it better by kicking the ex or at least throwing something at him.
  • My brothers all had problems with their relationships.  I know relationships don’t always work out, but it was sad to see all 3 of them become single again in the same year, and not be able to help them with any of it.
  • I was in a car accident.  I wasn’t hurt, wasn’t to blame, and everything got settled, but it freaked me out and left me frazzled for days.
  • Everything else listed above really doesn’t matter so much when it comes to this.  Dad was in and out of the hospital a lot last year.  Eventually, he passed away on Christmas Eve.  I am still working on my feelings about this, so I’m not ready to write about it.  I just know that I miss him every single day and am still not used to it.  I still want to call him up to talk to him.  It doesn’t even feel right to include him in this list, but I can’t ignore it either.

The good:

  • My mom is safe in her new apartment.  She loves it and is very happy there.  She has even been able to get rid of so much stuff, and her hoarding is a lot better.
  • Work is still sucky, but my supervisor is trying to make things better.
  • I finally got to see a live performance of Les Miserable.  I have wanted to see that for years, joy joy!
  • Again, I wasn’t hurt in the car accident.  And the insurance paid for all the repairs.
  • I got to see Journey in concert.  Nuff said
  • I learned to knit, again.  I even knitted an entire scarf!!
  • I truly TRULY have some amazing friends and family.  Eternally grateful.
  • I got to be part of a fabulous photography project, the Human/Nature Connection.  It was definitely outside of my comfort zone, but in a good way.  Pictures can be found here and here
  • I got to see my godmother, I haven’t seen her for YEARS.  And it was just as comfortable and natural as ever.

The miscellaneous:

  • I read 113 books last year.  My goal had been 100, so yay for me.
  • Ella finally learned to swim!  Ella is one of my 2 dogs.  Charles can swim like a fish, Ella always had troubles, but seems to finally have the hang of it!
  • I met Edgar Martinez
  • I tried roller skating again.  I was not as awesome as I hoped, but I didn’t break anything, so I came out even.
  • Ron Burgundy, Fremont Outdoor Movie.  YES
  • Had my first ever yard sale, to get rid of some of my mom’s stuff.  Tiring.  Had lots of help though with some awesome lady friends.
  • Steve got to dig up our entire front yard and replace our sewer system.  It was a mess for a few days, but it’s so much better than having plumbing issues for the entire winter season.
  • Applied for financial aid for school, got turned down. But it’s okay, I wouldn’t not have been mentally ready to start school this month.
  • We hosted Thanksgiving.  First and last time.  Loved doing it, but it wore me out.  Loved having the family together especially.
  • My brother ordered 30 pounds of Smarties.  Just thought you all should know.
  • I’m still fat.  It is what it is.

So, after all that, I survived.  It did seem as if every time I recovered from one thing, something else happened.  I know some people say God never gives you more than you can handle, and that these can all be tests of strength, but I think I am strong enough, and I think I had enough to handle.  I also feel like I kept falling and falling, and I finally landed.  And normally, after falling so far, I would attempt to climb back up.  But sometimes it’s more comfortable to stay in the hole.  At least I won’t fall again.

My point is that I’m tired and sad most of the time, and I guess I feel like I’m recovering from all the crap from last year.  I realize I have many blessings though, and I have a good life, really.  It was just extremely overwhelming, and I didn’t react well to any of it.  I don’t like where I’m currently at emotionally and mentally, but I guess being aware of how I’m feeling and not liking it is a step.

What a mess of a post!!  I don’t even think all of those sentences were grammatically correct.

sorry for the wordy post, and no pics!!  But you will be okay.  We should be back to our regular programming this week.

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About erin711

It's a mess of a blog about being plus-size, loving clothes, having self-esteem issues, laughing way too much, and my daily interactions with the world around me. Stats - 37, live in Seattle with my boyfriend and 2 dogs.....and I'm funny sometimes

2 responses »

  1. I love you!!! I admire you!!! you are one of the best people I know!!!
    Here is to a fantastic 2012 with cherry on top because you deserve it.
    I hope to be more present in your life this next year.

    You are one amazing, strong, powerful and beautiful woman!

    ❤ Deb

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