Category Archives: Procrastination

Forceful

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So….I’m wearing my awesome Star Wars shirt….forceful, GET IT?

star 6 - sun Skirt/sweater/bracelets – Torrid / Shirt – Old Navy / Boots – Lane Bryant / Sunglasses – Claire’s

I had to change location because of the sun.  You all know how I hate change!  You should have heard the sigh that came out of me when I realized the sun was messing with my pics.  But it does look like God was smiling on me, yes?

star 4 - nice I was a hot mess of patterns and colors, but I liked it.  It’s hard to see, but those shoulders have sequins.  SEQUINS!!!!  It’s like some weird anti-football gay shoulder pad thing going on.  Love it.

star 3 - goof So I wasn’t even trying to be dramatic in this one…I wasn’t sure if I had hit the camera button and I was actually trying to listen to the phone to hear the photo click.  I have to look  into the distance to listen apparently.

star 1 - cute The running progress is coming along slowly.  Ha, I made a joke and didn’t even mean to.  Genius.  I’m currently trying to get to the point where I can run to the end of a field a few blocks away from home (about. 3/4 of a mile.)  Then I attempt more running to get back home.  Total distance is 1.5 miles, pretty short, but I can’t run the full length yet.  YET.  Right now I do the first half in about 12-13 minutes.  Once I can run the full 1.5 mile (miles?), I will just keep adding distance to it.

It’s hard though.  Sometimes I don’t want to change into my running clothes and get out there.  And then I think of all the other stuff I should be doing, like laundry or whatever, and really don’t want to run….and I end up sitting on the couch.  It’s not so smart.  So, I tell myself it’s usually only 30 minutes, and then I can be justified when I flop on the couch!  Also, Steve is super supportive about getting me out running.  He gently encourages me, and it truly helps.

And as I write this, I think of how I should run tonight…and I’m already trying to come up with excuses.  Shame on me!

star 6 - sun

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Toothally awesome

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You can thank my brother Joe for the title of this post.

And I obviously have a problem with consistency.

Back in the day, when I was in grade school, we had a big slide that we would run up during recess.  One day while I was running up it, I fell on it face first and cracked my front tooth.  Half of the tooth broke off.  I got it repaired, thankfully, and stopped running up the slide.

Over the years, the false part of my tooth started to stain from coffee, pop, whatever.  I started to get very self-conscious of it.  Little kids would ask me about it, and I felt like when I smiled, people were looking at it and wondering.  It was my very front tooth after all!

I started smiling with my mouth closed, and would try to cover my mouth when I laughed.  I didn’t always remember to be self-conscious, but enough that it soon became more natural to hide it than to forget about it.  If you look back at most of my posts, my mouth is usually closed.

A few years ago I asked my dentist about getting fixed.  He said that it was considered cosmetic, so insurance wouldn’t cover any of it, and it would cost at least $1000-$1200.  Not a lot for some people, but that was a lot for me.  I tried saving but of course just could never save up that amount, or least couldn’t justify spending that amount all at once.

Kind of forgot about it and kept smiling with my mouth shut, until a couple of months, I was answering some questions on a blog post, and I mentioned how I would love to get my tooth fixed.  I never really talked to family or friends about it, I figured it was just something I had to deal with and didn’t want to make a big deal about it.  So, I finished my post and blogged it, and promptly forgot about it.

A few nights later, boyfriend Steven and I are watching TV and both on our computers.  I get an email from the boyfriend which says how proud he is of me for all my hard work, and that he would like to pay for my tooth.  So very sweet and touching and unexpected.  First, I loved that he emailed me while we sitting there together.  Second, I knew he read my posts sometimes, but it was still a surprise, especially since I had forgotten I had even mentioned it!

I went to the dentist to discuss it, and the dentist told me that because it was actually breaking down and so old that the insurance would pay for part of it.  Joy!  I ended up getting a brand new replacement crown, after hours of torture…not really, but I did have to bite down on a piece of gauze for 5 minutes, and if you know anything about me, you should know that I DETEST having fabric or materials in my mouth, and especially hate having to bite down on it.  SHUDDER

It was still quite a bit of money, and I haven’t been able to truly express to Steven how much his gift means to me.  I’ve been trying to reteach myself to smile without covering it up, and without being self-conscious.  It’s very hard but it’s a good kind of difficulty.  I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme, and that it’s pretty much all vanity on my part, but I did have issues with it.

I was always jealous of beautiful smiles I saw everywhere.  I hated when I would forget in a picture and then all I would see was my ugly front tooth.  When I was talking to friends about it, most said “I never even noticed your front tooth!”  Very sweet and supportive.  But, we all have our own issues, and we all have appearance issues.  This was a major one for me.  Sometimes I could forget about it, and other times it would make me extremely sad.  I realize that might not make sense, for it to be forgotten about sometimes and a major issue other times, but it’s true.   That’s just how I am!

Sorry for the wordy post, just felt the need to explain some of this.

Seriously though – learning how to smile again?  It’s really a wonderful experience.  When the dentist handed me the mirror to see my new tooth, I actually cried, and made the dental assistant tear up a bit too.  Argh, I’m a bit teary now.  Shut up.

Ready for cheese?  First picture shows the old tooth, which is actually a bit hard to see.  Second picture is a major goofy picture sporting the new tooth.  And please ignore how truly weird I look in both pics.  You are looking at the teeth only!

toothy

cheesy

12 Days of Christmas Swop – I think I’m nutty

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I am totally stepping out of my comfort zone by doing this.

It’s an international gift exchange (swap) for various bloggers.

Sounds easy enough yes?

Yeah, well, you don’t live in my head!
I get so excited about things like this, then I get over it and don’t want to participate.

Or I think it will be too hard.  Yes, mailing a package is DIFFICULT!

But, I’m trying to step out of my comfort zone.  I’m trying to be involved with more events.  I’m trying to meet more bloggers!  I’m trying to share my blog in more areas.  It really shouldn’t be so difficult, but I’m actually a bit stressed about this.  Yes, I have issues, but you love me anyway.

So, I’m going to do it.  And do you think I know how to install a widget?  Not to save my life….but apparently I managed to stumble through it and it LOOKS like I did it….

Wish me luck!  Send me gift ideas.  I need to send 12 items, and it needs to add up to at least $25.  And nothing too heavy!

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You’re still spotted

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I love this dress.  It makes me happy to wear it.

Everyone should have something similar.  Not necessarily the dress, just something that makes them happy.

Hey, if you want to wear a dress like this, be my guest.

Dress – Lane Bryant / Belt – Target / Hair Flower – Brenna / Necklace – Lane Bryant?? / Boots – Craigslist

When I tried on this dress and came out of the dressing room to show my mom, a woman in the store said “That’s so cute!!”  How could I not get it?   I’ve had a couple of years, it’s a happy dress.

I did not wear this the day after I wore the spotted shirt.  I’m not CRAZY.  I had 2 days of not so stellar outfits.  Seriously, I ended up looking like a pirate one day, and I didn’t even do it purposely.  Not such a good look for me, accidental pirate.  But now we know.

I finally registered for the half marathon in October.  Since I actually paid money, I need to get my butt in gear…literally. I need to get shoes, I have such a block though!  I looked as Zappos yesterday, narrowed it down a bit.  I don’t want running shoes, I am not running in the marathon, I ain’t no fool!!  So, finding decent walking shoes that aren’t orthopedic looking should be easy enough, but apparently not.  Or….I am just making it harder than it needs to be.  That’s probably the truth.

So, hopefully with my next post I will give you all the juicy details about my new shoes, and my attempts to start training.  Also hoping to be a bit redder in the hair.  It’s too faded!!!

Is it supposed to be uneven?

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So, this is my 101st post.  Not too good, considering how long I’ve  actually had this blog.

I do have a lot to say, I’m just lazy…..

Anyway, on to the daily costume.

Dress & Necklaces – Fashion Bug / Boots – Torrid / Earrings – can’t remember, I know I left them in the car for a year.

I’m currently have major issues with figuring out who I am, what I want, and what I’m capable of.  I know there is so much I want to do, but I hold myself back.

I know that I also don’t push myself even nearly hard enough to accomplish anything, and that I tend to sabotage in many different ways.

My friend Deb wants me to do a half marathon with her in October.  I could start training now and most likely be ready for it.  But I keep telling myself how hard it would be, and that there is no way I could ever be in good enough shape to do it.  But….I want to do it.  So send motivational thoughts my way and I’ll keep you updated with my progress.  First step – find a training program to prepare, and one for beginners!  And if I do the marathon, I will be walking for sure, no running for me!

One good thing is that I’m loving the red hair, and I’m still happy every time I see it!

Here is my attempt to mesmerize you with my eyes…..or just have a weird and creepy picture.

Skulls and shadows, in a cute sort of way

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I actually don’t like the first picture so much, but it shows how cute the skirt is on this dress.  Are you seeing how cute it is?  And it’s actually just a bunch of cutie pie skulls.  Sorry for the shadows, but shadows happen in life, yes?

I did something very new last night, and I wasn’t even going to write about it, but I feel like I should.  I went to my very first Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  I really didn’t know what to expect and had put off doing it for at least a year.  I don’t know what finally pushed me to check it out, but I went.

I realized I write a about my body and exercising, but not so much about my eating.  It’s very private to me actually, and I have a lot of issues with it.  I also think other people judge me a lot based on my eating.  True or not, that’s how I feel , and it can be unfair to others, but it also affects how I eat, and my thoughts about eating.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  I’ve known it for a while, but haven’t addressed it.  I am hoping that OA will help me with that.  I think I am going to keep going to the meetings and will get a sponsor also.  It’s hard to admit that I need it and that I’m going to these meetings, but I need to be honest on my blog.  I write it for myself, but there’s a possibility that it might help someone else, so honesty is a necessity.  Besides, it’s not called My Big Fat Lying Blog.

It was a small group, only 7 people.  Men and women, various ages and sexual orientation.  They were all so welcoming and supportive.  I didn’t feel any pressure at all.  And it wasn’t all depressing and morose either.  They were very positive and honest.

Dress – Torrid / Boots – Craigslist / Necklace – SLOANE99 on Etsy

It’s all very new to me, I’ve only been to one meeting, but I’m hoping it will have a positive influence on me and my eating.  And you will get to read all about the exciting adventures as I go from meeting to meeting!  I know, you can hardly stand it right?  Patience is a virtue my friends.

In case of fatness, take the stairs

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See all my pretty pills that I take?  Know why I take them?  Mostly to be healthy and to not get sick.

That’s why I do most things really, to avoid bad consequences.

I fold the laundry (eventually) so that I’m not stuck wearing something too small or dirty for the day.

I empty the dishwasher (eventually) so that I can load it again so I don’t have to hand wash every dish and utensil when I want to eat.

I take my pills so that I can avoid possible health risks.  I take Vitamin D, fish oil, magnesium, some funky pills from my acupuncturist, fiber, and my metformin.  The metformin isn’t actually preventative though, it helps with my mock PCOS and has actually helped me, namely in clearing up my skin!!

You are probably asking why I’m telling you about my pill situation, and don’t worry, I’ll explain.  Can I just also add that taking that many pills throughout the day is NOT easy for me?  I’ve always had trouble swallowing pills, I have some sort of mental block.  I usually have to hold them in my mouth for a while, tilt my head back, then psych myself into swallowing.  80% of the time there is no problem.  The other 20% can be quite yucky.  I have to try to be quick with the ones that dissolve too quickly.

AnyWHOO…..so I take this pills to be healthy, and yet I don’t do the most important things to be healthy.  It’s like if I do something half-assed at least I’ll get half-ass credit?  I don’t exercise, I don’t eat all that great, I procrastinate and stress myself out….I put off being healthy.  And what’s the point of taking pills to be healthy when I could avoid a whole bunch of trouble in the future if I would just get off my butt?

I don’t like taking pills.  I don’t want to get diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, high cholesterol….I don’t want to have to take pills to deal with any issues I might have.  The metformin is MORE than enough actual medicine.  I am 36, and I am only pushing myself towards illnesses by doing (or not doing) what I’m doing.

apparently I thought you all wanted to see directly up my nose

I’m lazy, I admit it.  I don’t like exercise.  It makes me tired and wears me out, and I hardly ever get to feel those talked about endorphins.  And yet, I know, I KNOW,  that I need to do it.  I don’t like going to work but I do it.  I don’t like paying my bills, but I do it.  I don’t like doing….well, lots of other things, I just can’t remember them all now.  The point is I do what I need to do (for the most par.) I like to avoid unnecessary and painful situations, so why the firetruck can’t I get my body to the gym?

Argh…..I’m working on it.  I am, I have mental fights with myself all the time.  The body and the mind do not work well together.  They are like siblings that won’t share and only like each other once they both mature.

Hmm, writing this post actually helped me clear my head a bit, helped me put things in a bit of perspective.  So maybe the blog is helping.