(Random related pics thrown in throughout to break up my blathering. Look at the pretty colors!!)
Well, now I’ve gone and done it.
I signed up for the half marathon in October. Here’s the info if anyone is interested.
After I signed up, I had a bit of a mini freak-out. Mostly thoughts like “Are you crazy? You can’t possibly complete that.” and so on. But we’ll get to all that.
I also went and got new walking shoes, so I could act like I was serious. Can I just give a shout out to Super Jock n Jill? They are so incredibly helpful there, and I didn’t feel any judgement at all, which I worry about sometimes with athletic stores. Yes, it’s a horrible prejudice of mine, I need to get over it.
The next day, I started walking. I barely made a mile, and I felt like crap. I don’t know if you’ve read any of my previous posts, but I have issues with my legs, mostly my calves. They are so extremely weak, and they cramp up and get sore really easily. It actually affects me quite a bit. (Read my hiking post.) So after my first walk, I was quite sad and angry and feeling so very bad. And I was ready to just quit, then and there.
I want these.
But, I thought “Hey, I have months to train, and I knew I was out of shape, so I’ll keep trying.” It’s not like I’ve never walked anywhere. We’ve walked around Greenlake many times, and that’s over 3 miles. But I was also having trouble with those walks.
My plan is to walk every other day, and to try to increase my distance a little bit each time. I am really worried about injuring myself or causing damage, so I’m taking it slow slow slow. I’m not worried about my speed at this point, I’m just trying to build up some strength and endurance. It’s been 2 weeks now, and I actually hit 4 miles on my last walk, although I didn’t mean to go quite that far, but my bladder had another idea, so I was forced into walking extra blocks!
Now, during these 2 weeks, I’ve run the gamut of emotions while walking. We’ve already seen the “Are you crazy” feelings, and trust me, those have not diminished, they are just overshadowed by some of the other emotions. I have been angry with my body for being so weak, and angry at myself for letting myself get so out of shape. Seriously, walking up a small hill should not leave me that breathless.
I have also felt so sad. Sad that I get so angry with myself, sad that I’m so unhealthy, and sad that I haven’t treated myself better.
But, they aren’t all negative emotions! When I walk a bit farther one night than the previous night, I get so excited and happy and think “Hey, maybe it’s possible….maybe I can do a half marathon with a few years to plan for it.” Ha! Or I think “I am not at my healthiest, but I can still move and I can endure and I can get stronger, it is possible.” And of course, I am trying to do something way out of my comfort zone, so that’s good also.
The weirdest thing about all of these emotions is that I can experience ALL of the within an hour. It’s a bit overwhelming. Add that to being sore and tired when I finally get home, and I’m ready to start crying from it all. And I still have moments of wanting to just stop. Just give up. Not explain to anyone, but just to stop.
But….all in all, it’s a positive experience so far. I feel like I’m being consistent, which I have major trouble with. I feel like I’m improving too, which is exciting for me. I also am feeling a bit content that I’m working towards a goal….I really need to work towards something and then actually finish it.
Although, I didn’t expect to be sore in my arse!! Seriously, before it’s only been my back and calf muscles that hurt after this kind of stuff, but now it’s my bum! And my thighs. And my back and calf muscles. So sad, just a sign of me getting older. It’s actually my 20 year high school reunion this year….madness!!
And I’m not usually sore the day after I walk, but 2 days after. But I’m getting less sore as time goes on. This probably makes perfect sense to you, you are probably thinking “Of course you are getting less sore, you are building up strength and your body is adapting, that is what happens when you train. Gosh Erin, for a smart girl you sure can be dumb.” But in my mind, I keep thinking of how out of shape I am, and that my body should be rejecting every attempt to achieve this, thus being sore constantly and MORE sore the more I do. Seriously, I’m shocked about this whole thing. I’m still waiting to get so sore that I can’t even move.
So…..now you know what I’m thinking about as I walk around the neighborhood. It’s always such a relief to get home and take off my shoes, because I’m usually SO exhausted by then. But a few hours later, hey, I’m not feeling too bad.
AND!!! One last thing – I rejoined a gym. I’ve done gym memberships, even being consistent for months, but I kind of just made up my own routine. But now I get to use a trainer and have him show me how to strength train, and I won’t have to guess and do it wrong and then get mad that I have no results and blame the machines. Stupid machines, I hate you for not perfecting my body this instant!!! The gym is in my work building, it’s quite convenient! And I get 3 free training session! Woo hoo for ME!
And do you think I have lost any weight during these last 2 weeks? If you do, then you are wrong! I’m not doing it to lose weight, but gosh darn, that would be a nice extra. And yeah, I know the whole “muscle weighs more than fat” idea, but tell that to the scale!
And although I’m a walker, and not a runner, this last picture cracks me up every single time.