Tag Archives: procrastination

Forceful

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So….I’m wearing my awesome Star Wars shirt….forceful, GET IT?

star 6 - sun Skirt/sweater/bracelets – Torrid / Shirt – Old Navy / Boots – Lane Bryant / Sunglasses – Claire’s

I had to change location because of the sun.  You all know how I hate change!  You should have heard the sigh that came out of me when I realized the sun was messing with my pics.  But it does look like God was smiling on me, yes?

star 4 - nice I was a hot mess of patterns and colors, but I liked it.  It’s hard to see, but those shoulders have sequins.  SEQUINS!!!!  It’s like some weird anti-football gay shoulder pad thing going on.  Love it.

star 3 - goof So I wasn’t even trying to be dramatic in this one…I wasn’t sure if I had hit the camera button and I was actually trying to listen to the phone to hear the photo click.  I have to look  into the distance to listen apparently.

star 1 - cute The running progress is coming along slowly.  Ha, I made a joke and didn’t even mean to.  Genius.  I’m currently trying to get to the point where I can run to the end of a field a few blocks away from home (about. 3/4 of a mile.)  Then I attempt more running to get back home.  Total distance is 1.5 miles, pretty short, but I can’t run the full length yet.  YET.  Right now I do the first half in about 12-13 minutes.  Once I can run the full 1.5 mile (miles?), I will just keep adding distance to it.

It’s hard though.  Sometimes I don’t want to change into my running clothes and get out there.  And then I think of all the other stuff I should be doing, like laundry or whatever, and really don’t want to run….and I end up sitting on the couch.  It’s not so smart.  So, I tell myself it’s usually only 30 minutes, and then I can be justified when I flop on the couch!  Also, Steve is super supportive about getting me out running.  He gently encourages me, and it truly helps.

And as I write this, I think of how I should run tonight…and I’m already trying to come up with excuses.  Shame on me!

star 6 - sun

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Toothally awesome

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You can thank my brother Joe for the title of this post.

And I obviously have a problem with consistency.

Back in the day, when I was in grade school, we had a big slide that we would run up during recess.  One day while I was running up it, I fell on it face first and cracked my front tooth.  Half of the tooth broke off.  I got it repaired, thankfully, and stopped running up the slide.

Over the years, the false part of my tooth started to stain from coffee, pop, whatever.  I started to get very self-conscious of it.  Little kids would ask me about it, and I felt like when I smiled, people were looking at it and wondering.  It was my very front tooth after all!

I started smiling with my mouth closed, and would try to cover my mouth when I laughed.  I didn’t always remember to be self-conscious, but enough that it soon became more natural to hide it than to forget about it.  If you look back at most of my posts, my mouth is usually closed.

A few years ago I asked my dentist about getting fixed.  He said that it was considered cosmetic, so insurance wouldn’t cover any of it, and it would cost at least $1000-$1200.  Not a lot for some people, but that was a lot for me.  I tried saving but of course just could never save up that amount, or least couldn’t justify spending that amount all at once.

Kind of forgot about it and kept smiling with my mouth shut, until a couple of months, I was answering some questions on a blog post, and I mentioned how I would love to get my tooth fixed.  I never really talked to family or friends about it, I figured it was just something I had to deal with and didn’t want to make a big deal about it.  So, I finished my post and blogged it, and promptly forgot about it.

A few nights later, boyfriend Steven and I are watching TV and both on our computers.  I get an email from the boyfriend which says how proud he is of me for all my hard work, and that he would like to pay for my tooth.  So very sweet and touching and unexpected.  First, I loved that he emailed me while we sitting there together.  Second, I knew he read my posts sometimes, but it was still a surprise, especially since I had forgotten I had even mentioned it!

I went to the dentist to discuss it, and the dentist told me that because it was actually breaking down and so old that the insurance would pay for part of it.  Joy!  I ended up getting a brand new replacement crown, after hours of torture…not really, but I did have to bite down on a piece of gauze for 5 minutes, and if you know anything about me, you should know that I DETEST having fabric or materials in my mouth, and especially hate having to bite down on it.  SHUDDER

It was still quite a bit of money, and I haven’t been able to truly express to Steven how much his gift means to me.  I’ve been trying to reteach myself to smile without covering it up, and without being self-conscious.  It’s very hard but it’s a good kind of difficulty.  I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme, and that it’s pretty much all vanity on my part, but I did have issues with it.

I was always jealous of beautiful smiles I saw everywhere.  I hated when I would forget in a picture and then all I would see was my ugly front tooth.  When I was talking to friends about it, most said “I never even noticed your front tooth!”  Very sweet and supportive.  But, we all have our own issues, and we all have appearance issues.  This was a major one for me.  Sometimes I could forget about it, and other times it would make me extremely sad.  I realize that might not make sense, for it to be forgotten about sometimes and a major issue other times, but it’s true.   That’s just how I am!

Sorry for the wordy post, just felt the need to explain some of this.

Seriously though – learning how to smile again?  It’s really a wonderful experience.  When the dentist handed me the mirror to see my new tooth, I actually cried, and made the dental assistant tear up a bit too.  Argh, I’m a bit teary now.  Shut up.

Ready for cheese?  First picture shows the old tooth, which is actually a bit hard to see.  Second picture is a major goofy picture sporting the new tooth.  And please ignore how truly weird I look in both pics.  You are looking at the teeth only!

toothy

cheesy

12 Days of Christmas Swop – I think I’m nutty

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I am totally stepping out of my comfort zone by doing this.

It’s an international gift exchange (swap) for various bloggers.

Sounds easy enough yes?

Yeah, well, you don’t live in my head!
I get so excited about things like this, then I get over it and don’t want to participate.

Or I think it will be too hard.  Yes, mailing a package is DIFFICULT!

But, I’m trying to step out of my comfort zone.  I’m trying to be involved with more events.  I’m trying to meet more bloggers!  I’m trying to share my blog in more areas.  It really shouldn’t be so difficult, but I’m actually a bit stressed about this.  Yes, I have issues, but you love me anyway.

So, I’m going to do it.  And do you think I know how to install a widget?  Not to save my life….but apparently I managed to stumble through it and it LOOKS like I did it….

Wish me luck!  Send me gift ideas.  I need to send 12 items, and it needs to add up to at least $25.  And nothing too heavy!

480px_12DaysXmasSwop

Scaredy Cat

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I’m a big chicken.

I’m scared of lots and lots of stuff.  Maybe “scared” isn’t the appropriate word.  I have a certain comfort zone and I really hate to step out of it.  And I find I’m getting way more settled in my comfort zone and really don’t want to do anything new or anything I’m not familiar with.

But, I also discovered that maybe I’m not ok with that.

So, all the activities and self improvement jaunts have actually been 2 fold.  One – to help me get out of my funk.  Two – to get out of my comfort zone.  Perhaps my funk and comfort zone are roommates and conspire against me to not do anything at all?  Hmm….

Anyway, this post is a bit rambling.  I knew I wanted  to write something about getting over my fears, but it’s Monday morning, I’m extremely worn out, and I just can’t seem to make a coherent thought.  Of course, maybe this is how I always write, I just never realized it before.

In my last post, I posted pictures of my most awesome bag that was made in a beginning sewing class.  I have wanted to sew for a while, but I just never tried it or really pursued it.  Because I was afraid it would be difficult and that I would make too many mistakes.  Does it matter?  No.  If I sew something, most likely it’ll be for myself.  So if I make a mistake, it’s no big deal.  Why was this SO hard to realize?  And when I make mistakes, I’m usually ok with admitting it.  But for some reason, I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I would most likely make mistakes and actually have to learn from them.  I’m not too bright sometimes.  What I am trying to say is it’s really REALLY ok to make mistakes.  Seriously.

I also took a chain mail class that was totally awesome, but again, I put it off for awhile because of how hard I thought it would be.  Again – so what?  If it’s too hard, I don’t have to do it.  And most likely, it’s not really as hard as I make it out to be.

Why do I give up before I even start?

I’m slowly breaking out of my shell.  I put up a good front too.  I act like I’m comfortable in new situations and that I’m daring and willing to try new stuff, but not so much.  So I think I need to live up to the image I am portraying, or that I at least think I’m portraying.  For all I know, everyone is thinking “Erin, you never EVER try new things, you are a big baby! But that’s ok, we love you anyway.  Keep thinking that you fool us, it’s all good.”  Yes, this is exactly how I imagine my friends to think about me, and THAT’S OK.  They don’t mind.  At least in my head they don’t.

So after all my rambling…..try new things.  Try new food, and try wearing something you never thought you could.  Take a class, any class.  Groupon is a great place for a cheap class.  First step – figure out what your comfort zone exactly is, so you know exactly what you need to do to step out of it.  And remember – baby steps!

And here’s some local links to get you started….sorry, it’s all for Seattlelites!

Fusion Beads – so many cool classes and the instructors are fabulous.  The website is a bit lacking though, but you can find the classes if you do some searching.

Quality Sewing & Vacuum – this is where I took my sewing class.  Fun!  Again, I tried to set the link to the class schedule.

Groupon – if you don’t know what Groupon is, then I suggest moving out from under your current rock to a sunnier locale.  Ha!  Just teasing.

I was also told that the link I included on my last post for New Dress a Day wasn’t working.  If that happens, try refreshing the page.  Sometimes I have trouble with that blog also, but usually a refresh will work.  If not, just do a search for New Dress a Day or Marissa Lynch.  Love it!

Check out your library, and do a search for whatever you are interested in.  Free and easy way to start learning new stuff. Cooking, sewing, singing, rock climbing….

Check out Craigslist for free events and classes.  Check community colleges for new things.  Start small, but START.

Ha, I could totally be a corny inspirational speaker.  I’d fall off the stage though, or get tangled in my microphone cords.

You’re still spotted

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I love this dress.  It makes me happy to wear it.

Everyone should have something similar.  Not necessarily the dress, just something that makes them happy.

Hey, if you want to wear a dress like this, be my guest.

Dress – Lane Bryant / Belt – Target / Hair Flower – Brenna / Necklace – Lane Bryant?? / Boots – Craigslist

When I tried on this dress and came out of the dressing room to show my mom, a woman in the store said “That’s so cute!!”  How could I not get it?   I’ve had a couple of years, it’s a happy dress.

I did not wear this the day after I wore the spotted shirt.  I’m not CRAZY.  I had 2 days of not so stellar outfits.  Seriously, I ended up looking like a pirate one day, and I didn’t even do it purposely.  Not such a good look for me, accidental pirate.  But now we know.

I finally registered for the half marathon in October.  Since I actually paid money, I need to get my butt in gear…literally. I need to get shoes, I have such a block though!  I looked as Zappos yesterday, narrowed it down a bit.  I don’t want running shoes, I am not running in the marathon, I ain’t no fool!!  So, finding decent walking shoes that aren’t orthopedic looking should be easy enough, but apparently not.  Or….I am just making it harder than it needs to be.  That’s probably the truth.

So, hopefully with my next post I will give you all the juicy details about my new shoes, and my attempts to start training.  Also hoping to be a bit redder in the hair.  It’s too faded!!!

Is it supposed to be uneven?

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So, this is my 101st post.  Not too good, considering how long I’ve  actually had this blog.

I do have a lot to say, I’m just lazy…..

Anyway, on to the daily costume.

Dress & Necklaces – Fashion Bug / Boots – Torrid / Earrings – can’t remember, I know I left them in the car for a year.

I’m currently have major issues with figuring out who I am, what I want, and what I’m capable of.  I know there is so much I want to do, but I hold myself back.

I know that I also don’t push myself even nearly hard enough to accomplish anything, and that I tend to sabotage in many different ways.

My friend Deb wants me to do a half marathon with her in October.  I could start training now and most likely be ready for it.  But I keep telling myself how hard it would be, and that there is no way I could ever be in good enough shape to do it.  But….I want to do it.  So send motivational thoughts my way and I’ll keep you updated with my progress.  First step – find a training program to prepare, and one for beginners!  And if I do the marathon, I will be walking for sure, no running for me!

One good thing is that I’m loving the red hair, and I’m still happy every time I see it!

Here is my attempt to mesmerize you with my eyes…..or just have a weird and creepy picture.

Skulls and shadows, in a cute sort of way

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I actually don’t like the first picture so much, but it shows how cute the skirt is on this dress.  Are you seeing how cute it is?  And it’s actually just a bunch of cutie pie skulls.  Sorry for the shadows, but shadows happen in life, yes?

I did something very new last night, and I wasn’t even going to write about it, but I feel like I should.  I went to my very first Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  I really didn’t know what to expect and had put off doing it for at least a year.  I don’t know what finally pushed me to check it out, but I went.

I realized I write a about my body and exercising, but not so much about my eating.  It’s very private to me actually, and I have a lot of issues with it.  I also think other people judge me a lot based on my eating.  True or not, that’s how I feel , and it can be unfair to others, but it also affects how I eat, and my thoughts about eating.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  I’ve known it for a while, but haven’t addressed it.  I am hoping that OA will help me with that.  I think I am going to keep going to the meetings and will get a sponsor also.  It’s hard to admit that I need it and that I’m going to these meetings, but I need to be honest on my blog.  I write it for myself, but there’s a possibility that it might help someone else, so honesty is a necessity.  Besides, it’s not called My Big Fat Lying Blog.

It was a small group, only 7 people.  Men and women, various ages and sexual orientation.  They were all so welcoming and supportive.  I didn’t feel any pressure at all.  And it wasn’t all depressing and morose either.  They were very positive and honest.

Dress – Torrid / Boots – Craigslist / Necklace – SLOANE99 on Etsy

It’s all very new to me, I’ve only been to one meeting, but I’m hoping it will have a positive influence on me and my eating.  And you will get to read all about the exciting adventures as I go from meeting to meeting!  I know, you can hardly stand it right?  Patience is a virtue my friends.