Adventures in sewing

I think I need a new camera.  The camera I have is great, except that it doesn’t actually open anymore and it won’t take pictures.  I dropped it in Mexico and now it just makes a whirr noise when I try to turn it on.  This is why I can’t have nice stuff.  I’m not kidding.  I”m the worst.

I guess I should be happy that I even have a phone that takes pics.  I could be using some old flip phone that you have to press the numbers to actually text (sorry not sorry if that’s your phone.)

So, I signed up for some more sewing classes.  I’ve taken a basic sewing class a few times, but now I get to learn to make an apron (ha ha, like I’ll actually use that!!) and pajama bottoms (these will get more use than the apron.)  Actual pants!  Ok, drawstring pants, but with two legs, so almost actual pants.  I need to learn to sew so I can alter and make my own clothes, since I can’t depend on buying new stuff that’s ugly and expensive, and Goodwill ain’t always going to have awesome stuff for me.

Isn’t she cute???

And speaking of not being able to own nice stuff, I know someday when I’m sewing with nice fabric that I’ll sew over my finger and bleed all over the nice fabric.  Ugh, I actually just made myself a bit sick there.  That’s just such a gross image, and every time I think of it, my stomach rolls.  EVERY TIME I THINK OF IT.  Because now I can’t stop thinking of it.

Sweater, jeans, shoes – Torrid/Shirt – Forever 21/Sunglasses, necklace – Target

See my saggy jeans?  It’s not just my boots that sag.  And speaking of sagging boots, none of you have come up with a solution for that problem yet!  I can’t believe my idea of using chopsticks is the best. Hop to it peeps!

Ha…I said hop AND peeps, and it’s close to Easter.  NOT EVEN PLANNED.  Comedic genius here.

You can’t tell from the pics, but those are ducks on my glasses!!!  Way too cute.

My attempt at being carefree and graceful and funny.  Instead I’m just blurry and about to fall off a wall, just like any other day.

It’s a deer and sunny day

Happy St Patrick’s Day!  (a day late.) I don’t wear green on St Patrick’s day.  My mom always said that everyone who isn’t Irish should wear green because they want to be Irish, and so those of us who are Irish, don’t need to wear it.  You argue with my mom about it, if you want.

Shirt – Thrifted (forgot to look at label)/camisole, jeans – Torrid/boots – Catherines/necklace – SheInside

So, I have boots that fit!  But….they sadly sag during the day and I get baggy ankles.  and this happens with all of my boots.  I guess I should be happy that I can find boots that fit my fat calves, but it’s annoying to have to pull them up like socks all day long.  I guess I could tape rulers inside of them, total DIY experiment, but I’m guessing that would be uncomfortable and also not very effective.  Anyone have any suggestions for sagging boots?

look at the difference from picture 1 to picture 2.  I had to pull up the stupid boots like socks.  POOR ME

So, I could be talking about all kinds of stuff going on with me, like why I’ve stopped my healthy eating plan even though it was effective, why I feel the need to sabotage everything I do, why I feel lazy all the time, how I feel about losing a friend my own age, how it feels to be approaching my 40th birthday…but I’m not ready to write about any of that.

So instead, I will write about…..Target!  Yes, that lovely store where you go for one item and come out with 10 more items and $200 poorer.  Most of you probably don’t know what Target is currently up to, I’m not talking about the photoshopping incident, or the manatee incident, or even the pregnant = fat incident. (Wait, why do I shop at Target?) No, I’m talking about the general disappearance of all plus-size clothes in all Targets.

In early January, most Targets in the US cleared out their entire plus-size section.  Some had clearance items, some moved maternity into, some just stayed empty.  Some of the stores had signs up saying “Women’s Plus: Countdown to new.  Women’s Plus collection arriving early February.”  And that was it.

As time passed with nothing appearing in the stores, shoppers would ask sales associates who would say “it’s coming.”  Facebook questions would all get generic answers telling people that the items were coming, and to shop online in the meantime.  Online shopping isn’t convenient for everyone.  Every garment fits differently, sometimes the fabric isn’t what you want, etc.  Also, you have to pay to ship items back, so it’s not very cost-effective.

So, it’s now the middle of March, and there are still no plus-size clothes in the Target stores, and no actual answers or responses from Target, other than “It’s coming.”

Now, the main reason that this irks me is that Target would never consider clearing out any other section and telling shoppers to wait for new items.  Straight sizes, men’s, children’s, even maternity – they would never just empty the entire section and leave nothing there and tell shoppers to be patient.  But if you are a fatty, then it shouldn’t matter, and you should just shop online and never show your face again, apparently.

I realize Target isn’t the best quality, but they were reasonable priced and were slowly getting some really cute items in plus-size.  Although, whenever they have one of their special designers, they never have any of those designs in plus-size either.  I just find this whole incident to be insulting and frustrating.  It’s hard to find cute plus-size clothes that I can also actually afford.

There is a Facebook group you can check out if you are also frustrated by all of this.  I’m sure it’s not a big deal to a lot people, especially if you don’t have to shop in plus-size sections or clothes.  But when you are constantly judged because of your weight and trying to have a healthy image about yourself, appearance does matter, and clothes contribute to how you portray yourselves to others and how they perceive you.

And this look on my face?  I’m unhappy with how the pictures turned out.  Apparently shooting through a dirty window with chocolate smeared on my phone screen was not the way to go?

I know, right?

yeah, it’s been how long?  you can count if you want to, I just know it’s been MONTHS since I’ve posted.  Sometimes being in a funk lasts way too long.  Did you miss me?  I missed me!!!

So, no outfit pics today, although I have been wearing them, and they’ve been fabulous, of course.

Just wanted to do a quick check in.

Also, have you met the Militant Baker?  She’s quite awesome.  She also has a great Facebook page, if that’s more your style.  She recently wrote about what google says about fat shamming (or any body shaming) and created some great ads against it.  Then a whole wonderful bunch of her readers also created some.  Fabulous!!!

I created one, I think it’s just ok, but they were all so good!  you should go check them out!

Forceful

So….I’m wearing my awesome Star Wars shirt….forceful, GET IT?

 Skirt/sweater/bracelets – Torrid / Shirt – Old Navy / Boots – Lane Bryant / Sunglasses – Claire’s

I had to change location because of the sun.  You all know how I hate change!  You should have heard the sigh that came out of me when I realized the sun was messing with my pics.  But it does look like God was smiling on me, yes?

 I was a hot mess of patterns and colors, but I liked it.  It’s hard to see, but those shoulders have sequins.  SEQUINS!!!!  It’s like some weird anti-football gay shoulder pad thing going on.  Love it.

 So I wasn’t even trying to be dramatic in this one…I wasn’t sure if I had hit the camera button and I was actually trying to listen to the phone to hear the photo click.  I have to look  into the distance to listen apparently.

 The running progress is coming along slowly.  Ha, I made a joke and didn’t even mean to.  Genius.  I’m currently trying to get to the point where I can run to the end of a field a few blocks away from home (about. 3/4 of a mile.)  Then I attempt more running to get back home.  Total distance is 1.5 miles, pretty short, but I can’t run the full length yet.  YET.  Right now I do the first half in about 12-13 minutes.  Once I can run the full 1.5 mile (miles?), I will just keep adding distance to it.

It’s hard though.  Sometimes I don’t want to change into my running clothes and get out there.  And then I think of all the other stuff I should be doing, like laundry or whatever, and really don’t want to run….and I end up sitting on the couch.  It’s not so smart.  So, I tell myself it’s usually only 30 minutes, and then I can be justified when I flop on the couch!  Also, Steve is super supportive about getting me out running.  He gently encourages me, and it truly helps.

And as I write this, I think of how I should run tonight…and I’m already trying to come up with excuses.  Shame on me!

Never too late

Well, you are in for a treat, a treat I say!

Working on my awkward smile, and now I have some crazy expressions.

 Tunic – Essentials by Milano (Consignment) / Boots – thrifted / Leggings, bracelets – Torrid / Necklace – Consignment

See, I told you.  Apparently I was just ecstatic to be taking these photos.

Actually, I was in a pretty good mood.  I had an appointment with my weight loss doctor, and he was very supportive and inspiring.  We talked about my yo-yo self-esteem.  When I get in one of my funks, and start feeling like crap, that just causes me to feel like crap.  I feel like crap because I feel like crap!  Crazy, yes?

  I’ve been able talk myself out these moods before, but lately it’s been a bit harder.  So we decided my new mantra will be “I am powerful.”  While we were talking, I was actually able to say that, and he said my face just lit up.  It was a really good feeling.  I also get the feeling that you might also be powerful.  Enough about you, back to me.

 The only thing that ever gets in my way, or discourages me, or sabotages me is myself.  And that’s it, every single time.  I need to get out of my own head, and I need to be more powerful than what I tell myself I am.

 I can be different than I allow myself to be.  I just have to do it.  I am more than a size or weight or age or single belief.  One of my favorite quotes is “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”  I have to believe that.

OOOh, I went running last night too.  Well, run/walk.  But I think I am actually seeing a bit of improvement.  I’m nowhere near running a 5K, can’t even manage one mile yet, but it’s on the horizon!.

 And are you just LOVING the expressions in today’s photos?  So goofy!

Invested

I think I’ve seriously forgotten how to smile for pictures.  I look awkward all the time anymore.

oh well, I’ll keep working on SMILING, which should be natural.

Good grief.

Love this vest, but it’s too big.  I bought it at Goodwill because I’ve been looking for a vest exactly like this for so long, and even though it was multiple sizes too big, it was $2, so I figured if I tinkered with it and messed it up, no big loss.  So I just sewed the sides a bit, but it still needs some more, I think.

Shirt – Consignment (don’t remember brand) /  Vest – Lane Bryant (from Goodwill) / Jeans – Goodwill (Brand?) / Boots – Payless / Necklace, bracelet, earrings – Torrid

Yes, so I’m trying to be all crafty and stuff, and I can’t even manage to take in a vest.  Oy!

I am SO behind on my running, I haven’t run for weeks it seems like.  I was going to run last night, but the poor dogs have been cooped up so I took them to play instead.  And no, it’s not possible for me to run with the both of them, I can barely even manage to walk while dealing with the both of them.

They certainly had fun, but the poor things needed baths when we got home.

I will do my best to go running tonight!  Although I don’t plan on running at the Color Vibe in May, I’d like to maybe run at Color Me Rad in August.  Need to get on it!

On the entertainment front, I’m currently reading Storm of Swords (3rd in Game of Thrones series,) and Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins, Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, and unfortunately……Dead as a Doornail by Charlaine Harris.  I’m hooked on those STUPID Sookie Stackhouse books.  They are so badly written yet I can’t stop reading them.  Why why why?  I can only assume it’s because they are part of a series, and a series is like a list, and I’m obsessed with lists and crossing items off.  Forgive me, please.  I do recommend reading the Disc World series by Terry Pratchett, he is an excellent writer, so hilarious.

I’m watching Medium and Justice League Unlimited.  Although I love Patricia Arquette, she isn’t the best actress.  I always have to cringe and laugh whenever they make her cry on the show.  But I love the girl who plays Bridget, she reminds me of some old vaudeville star.  Don’t ask why.

Also just watched Django Unchained.  Although not my favorite Tarantino film, I did like it.  I adore Tarantino and his movies.  He always has killer soundtracks, and he uses forgotten actors and it’s always a treat to see them pop up (Tom Wopat!  Lee Horsley!  Russ Tamblyn!).  Also, I think he really loves movies and always has, and I think it’s obvious in his own movies.  He always pays tribute to movies that have inspired him, and his knowledge of rare and obscure movies is incredible.  I don’t know how many film makers truly enjoy their craft, but I believe he does.

If you are curious, my favorite Tarantino movie is Kill Bill 2.  Can’t wait for the 3rd one to come out!

Orange you glad I posted?

Let’s just jump right into this, shall we?

Dress – Goodwill / Trench – Target / Sunglasses – Domino Dollhouse / Boots, necklace – thrifted

It’s hard to tell, but this dress is more of an orange color, and it’s beautiful.  Got it at goodwill for crazy cheap, still had the tags.  Gotta love a good deal.

I’m trying photos with my phone instead of my camera, so the next few posts might be a bit wonky.

I know I haven’t posted for MONTHS.  Really no excuses, just general laziness.

So, what have I been up to?  Seriously, not much.  Mostly work, because I’m exciting like that.

I DID do the St Patty’s Day 5K.  So much fun!  Got a group of friends to do it.

I’ve signed up for 2 more 5ks in the coming months.  I am doing The Color Vibe in May and Color Me Rad in August.

My weight loss is a bit stalled, but that’s ok.  I have managed to keep off the 25 pounds I’ve lost so far, and I’ll start losing again, I have no doubt.

It does get frustrating sometimes, but I just need to keep working at it.

I also have to be patient with myself with fitness.  I joined a running class because I was just not doing well on my own, and I realized I like being outside much better than being on a treadmill.  I’m not good at running, my calves tighten and burn immediately, but I am slowly making progress.  It’s through Running Evolution.  If you are in Seattle, check it out.   Coach Beth is fantastic!!!  I’ve had to take a break from running for a couple of weeks though, because I got some crazy sore throat cold thing going on.  Lame

So even though I’m not where I want to be, I’m further than I was.  When I did my first 5k a few years ago, I could barely walk for days afterwards.  Now I can walk a 5K and feel pretty good!  Progress!

I realize this post is not as humorous as you are accustomed to, I need to get back into practice of being my usual witty self.

Patience, little ones.  It will come.

And here’s a picture of me from the St Patty’s day Dash

Toothally awesome

You can thank my brother Joe for the title of this post.

And I obviously have a problem with consistency.

Back in the day, when I was in grade school, we had a big slide that we would run up during recess.  One day while I was running up it, I fell on it face first and cracked my front tooth.  Half of the tooth broke off.  I got it repaired, thankfully, and stopped running up the slide.

Over the years, the false part of my tooth started to stain from coffee, pop, whatever.  I started to get very self-conscious of it.  Little kids would ask me about it, and I felt like when I smiled, people were looking at it and wondering.  It was my very front tooth after all!

I started smiling with my mouth closed, and would try to cover my mouth when I laughed.  I didn’t always remember to be self-conscious, but enough that it soon became more natural to hide it than to forget about it.  If you look back at most of my posts, my mouth is usually closed.

A few years ago I asked my dentist about getting fixed.  He said that it was considered cosmetic, so insurance wouldn’t cover any of it, and it would cost at least $1000-$1200.  Not a lot for some people, but that was a lot for me.  I tried saving but of course just could never save up that amount, or least couldn’t justify spending that amount all at once.

Kind of forgot about it and kept smiling with my mouth shut, until a couple of months, I was answering some questions on a blog post, and I mentioned how I would love to get my tooth fixed.  I never really talked to family or friends about it, I figured it was just something I had to deal with and didn’t want to make a big deal about it.  So, I finished my post and blogged it, and promptly forgot about it.

A few nights later, boyfriend Steven and I are watching TV and both on our computers.  I get an email from the boyfriend which says how proud he is of me for all my hard work, and that he would like to pay for my tooth.  So very sweet and touching and unexpected.  First, I loved that he emailed me while we sitting there together.  Second, I knew he read my posts sometimes, but it was still a surprise, especially since I had forgotten I had even mentioned it!

I went to the dentist to discuss it, and the dentist told me that because it was actually breaking down and so old that the insurance would pay for part of it.  Joy!  I ended up getting a brand new replacement crown, after hours of torture…not really, but I did have to bite down on a piece of gauze for 5 minutes, and if you know anything about me, you should know that I DETEST having fabric or materials in my mouth, and especially hate having to bite down on it.  SHUDDER

It was still quite a bit of money, and I haven’t been able to truly express to Steven how much his gift means to me.  I’ve been trying to reteach myself to smile without covering it up, and without being self-conscious.  It’s very hard but it’s a good kind of difficulty.  I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme, and that it’s pretty much all vanity on my part, but I did have issues with it.

I was always jealous of beautiful smiles I saw everywhere.  I hated when I would forget in a picture and then all I would see was my ugly front tooth.  When I was talking to friends about it, most said “I never even noticed your front tooth!”  Very sweet and supportive.  But, we all have our own issues, and we all have appearance issues.  This was a major one for me.  Sometimes I could forget about it, and other times it would make me extremely sad.  I realize that might not make sense, for it to be forgotten about sometimes and a major issue other times, but it’s true.   That’s just how I am!

Sorry for the wordy post, just felt the need to explain some of this.

Seriously though – learning how to smile again?  It’s really a wonderful experience.  When the dentist handed me the mirror to see my new tooth, I actually cried, and made the dental assistant tear up a bit too.  Argh, I’m a bit teary now.  Shut up.

Ready for cheese?  First picture shows the old tooth, which is actually a bit hard to see.  Second picture is a major goofy picture sporting the new tooth.  And please ignore how truly weird I look in both pics.  You are looking at the teeth only!

12 Days of Christmas Swop – Day 12

So sad, it’s the last day of the swop.

Although I’ve totally scored on the gifties.  Seriously, how incredible were these items?

Gift 12

Um….cute duck face to carry my food in?  Yeah, I’m pretty happy right now.  Good gosh this is yummy!

HA!  This is so awesome/cool/fun/incredible.  Hello, there are CHOPSTICKS!!!!  I’m so taking this everywhere I go.

This is so useful and cute, and it will fit in my bag.  I CAN EAT ANYWHERE NOW.

So, the swop was totally fun.  I had some hesitation about doing it, and I stressed a bit about the gifts that I sent.  I didn’t give myself enough time, but I know better next time.

And I really REALLY love my gifts.  Georgiana seriously outdid herself, and I believe she had fun doing it, so that makes me happy also.

12 Days of Christmas Swop – Day 11

I’m still digging my mixed cd that I got.  Have you searched for any of those songs?  You should, especially the “To Sir With Love” cover.

Gift 11

Stationery, another love of mine.  Usually I love it too much that I never actually use it, I just keep it to look at and admire.  I think I might need to actually use these cute ones to share with others.  Cherries!   Love

Oh happy goats, you make ME happy with your cutesy frolicking!

 

I am loving my gifts so much!  Only one more day!

But don’t be sad kiddies, Christmas is supposed to only come once a year, that’s why we love it so